The Mutant Movie
by Daniel Fielder
Summary: Mutant, Scott Summers, goes to Hollywood to follow his dream of making people happy, picking up friends along the way, leading to the group being chased by Robert Kelly who wants to use Scott for his own money making commercial schemes.
1. The First Screening

Here's an idea I've had for awhile, so please keep an opened mind.

Disclaimer: The Muppets belong to Jim Henson and Disney, and the X-Men belong to and Disney, and the characters from that and any other Marvel character I use belong to Marvel Comics and Stan Lee.

* * *

><p><span><strong>The Mutant Movie<strong>

Prologue: The First Screening

It was a bright shiny day at 21st Century Fox studios. A car drove up to the gate guard.

"Hello, I'm Victor." Victor Creed said.

"I'm Wade." Wade Wilson added. "We're here to heckle _The Mutant Movie_.

"Gentlemen, that's straight ahead." The guard said. "Private Screening Room B."

"Private screening?" Victor asked.

"Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public." Wade replied as the two laughed.

They then drove onwards.

"Look at this place." Victor said. "What a dump."

"Especially since this is just a very poorly disguised parody of 20th Century Fox Studios." Wade added.

"What?" Victor asked.

"Nothing." Wade countered.

()()()()()

In the screening room, Jean Grey, one of the stars of the movie, was talking to some of her friends.

"Yeah, I know, it was great." Jean said with a smile as a large man named Fred Dukes appeared.

"Hey lady, is this seat taken?" Fred asked as he pulled the seats next to Jean away.

"Hey you, bring that back!" Jean shouted out.

"Oh man, I'm so nervous." Bobby Drake, another star said. "If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself."

"Well then, you'll have to get another apartment, won't you?" Hank McCoy said with a smile. As Bobby smiled too at the joke.

"You know, I heard that this movie is dynamite." Remy LeBeau, a supporting actor in the film, said with a smile.

"Popcorn!" A supporting actor named Todd Tolansky said. "Fresh organic popcorn, only a buck."

"Oh honey, buy me some, please?" Emma Frost asked her boyfriend, Warren Worthington.

"Oh sure." Warren said. "Nothing's too good for my woman."

"Woman!" The semi-unstable John Allerdyce called out. "Woman!"

"Oh, you had to set him off, didn't you?" Emma asked.

"Sorry." Warren said.

"Well I like the movie fine, so far." Victor said.

"It hasn't started yet." Wade pointed out.

"That's what I like about it." Victor added with a smirk as the two laughed.

Scott Summers, the host for the screening and one of the stars of the film walked down as he was stopped by Nick Fury.

"Scott, does this film have culturally redeeming values?" Fury asked.

"I certainly hope so, Nick." Scott said before turning to his girlfriend and co-star. "Hey Jean."

"Hey Scott." Jean said. "I tried to save you a seat, but someone took it."

"No worries." Scott said as he got in front of everybody. "Okay everyone, welcome to the first screening of the Mutant Movie."

Everyone cheered.

"Now before we begin, I'd like to give thanks to everyone who made this film possible. Starting with the hair dressers to the costume designers and-"

"Scott, I don't think speeches are necessary." Jean pointed out. "We can just watch the credits at the end. Roll the film."

"Well I just wanted to thank-" Scott began when John began shouting.

"ROLL THE BLOODY FILM!"

"Okay, okay." Scott said calmly. "Roll the film!"

Scott then sat down to his younger brother, Alex, who had blond hair and brown eyes.

"Hey Scott, is this how you guys really got started?" Alex asked.

"Well it's approximately what happened." Scott said with a smile as they turned to the screen.

* * *

><p>I know some of you will be angry with me mixing Muppets and Mutants, but I figured on giving it a shot, so don't be afraid to tell me what you think. Just please keep it PG.<p> 


	2. The Rainbow Connection

Chapter 1: The Rainbow Connection

Scott Summers was relaxing in his country home as he played a banjo and relaxed.

_Why are there so many songs about rainbows  
>and what's on the other side?<br>Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,  
>and rainbows have nothing to hide.<br>So we've been told and some choose to believe it.  
>I know they're wrong, wait and see.<br>Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.  
>The lovers, the dreamers and me.<em>

Who said that every wish would be heard  
>and answered when wished on the morning star?<br>Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.  
>Look what it's done so far.<br>What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing  
>and what do we think we might see?<br>Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.  
>The lovers, the dreamers and me.<p>

All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?  
>I've heard them calling my name.<br>Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors?  
>The voice might be one and the same.<br>I've heard it too many times to ignore it.  
>It's something that I'm supposed to be.<br>Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.  
>The lovers, the dreamers and me.<p>

As Scott finished singing, he heard a voice call out for help. He walked up to the large river beside his house and looked as a man came by on a boat.

"This is a serious call for help here!" The man shouted out. "You with the sunglasses and the banjo!"

"Yeah?" Scott asked. "What do you need?"

"I have lost my sense of direction!" The man said.

"Have you tried Harry Fisher?" Scott asked.

"No, I mean I'm really lost." The man said.

"So where do you wanna go?" Scott asked.

"Out of this state." The man said. "I've gotta catch a plane."

"Oh." Scott said. "So you need to find the airport. It's just downstream."

"Thank you." The man said.

"Just watch out for the alligators." Scott warned.

"Right." The man said. "Wait, alligators?! Did you say alligators?"

"Read my lips." Scott said plainly. "Alligators."

"It's just that I'm not used to alligators where I'm from." The man said. "You see, I'm an agent from Hollywood."

"Hollywood?!" Scott said in awe. "Did you say Hollywood?!"

"Read my lips kid." The man said. "Hollywood. You know. The dream town. Hey, don't you ever see the movies."

"Oh yeah." Scott said. "There's a double feature in town every Friday."

"Hey, wait a minute." The agent said. "There's an ad in here that you should be very interested in."

The agent opened a paper and turned to a quarter page ad with the 21st century Fox logo on it.

"'21st Century Fox studios announces open auditions for people seeking to become rich and famous.'" Scott read. It sounded interesting, but it didn't sound like Scott's cup of tea. "Thanks anyway, but I'm really quite happy here."

"Oh, if I were you, I'd definitely consider this audition very carefully." The man said quickly. "You've got talent kid. I heard you singing. Come on. You could make millions of people happy."

"Millions of people happy?" Scott asked.

"That's right." The agent said. "If you ever come to Hollywood, look me up."

The agent then handed Scott a card.

"The name's Jack Kirby." Jack said.

"Well, you better get moving to catch that plane, Mr. Kirby." Scott said. "Well… See you in the movies."

Jack Kirby smiled and rowed off.

Scott then chewed on what Jack Kirby said.

"I'd miss this old place but… Millions of people happy." Scott sighed.

He knew what to do. He got his bike out of the shed, made sure he had money in his pocket, and rowed off.

* * *

><p>Hooray! Scott's beginning his journey!<p> 


	3. Bobby Drake

Chapter Two: Bobby Drake

After an hour or so of riding, Scott passed what seemed to be a billboard advertising something called "Robert Kelly's French Fired Frog Legs".

"What the…?" Scott asked himself. The very idea of that stuff always made Scott's stomach turn. He'd tried a frog leg as a kid, and he spent the rest of the night in the bathroom.

Beside the billboard, an African American man with a black mustache and soul patch and cowboy hat was talking to a construction crew, usually shouting "Don't step on the asphalt!"

Scott had to admit, this Robert Kelly guy worked quickly as the man smiled and waved at Scott who waved back.

"Hey, you on the bike, watch out!" The man shouted when Scott looked up and saw a steam roller coming right at him!

Thinking quickly, Scott took off his sunglasses and opened his eyes, using the force of the optic blasts that were released to jettison himself up just before the steam-roller turned his bike into a pancake. Scott sighed and put his sunglasses back on as he sat on the sidewalk.

"Phew." Scott sighed. "That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street without any warning cones or marking the thing off. If it wasn't for my optic blasts, I'd be gone with the schwin."

()()()()()

That night, Scott arrived at a place called the El Sleezo Café.

"Yeash." Scott groaned. "I wonder what kind of food they serve. Doesn't sound very appetizing, but… a guy's gotta eat."

Just then, a man was flung out of the restaurant.

"Rough place, huh?" Scott asked.

"That is the toughest, meanest, filthiest pest hole on the face of the earth!" The man said.

"Well why not complain to the owner?" Scott asked.

"I am the owner." The man replied.

"Oh…" Scott said with some shock. "Uh… Sorry."

Scott went in and found that the place was made up mostly of tough guys, sailors, bikers, and such, and their girlfriends. Scott walked up to the bar as a brunette woman turned to him.

"Hey, sailor." The woman said. "Buy me a drink?"

"Uh…" Scott said as he reddened badly. "I'm not a sailor."

"Ah, cut the small talk and buy me a drink." The woman said offhandedly.

"But I don't even know you." Scott pointed out when a sailor came up.

"Hey, you making out with my girl?" The man asked.

"No sir." Scott insisted.

"He did to." The woman said. "He touched me."

"Oh, now that is a completed myth!" Scott insisted.

"A what?" The man asked.

"A myth!" Scott repeated. "Myth!"

"Yes?" A blond woman in a black shoulder-less dress and red boa asked as she walked up.

"What the hey?" Scott asked.

"That happens a lot." The man said.

Just then, a man's voice shouted out, "Show time! Show time at the El Sleezo!"

Scott took a look at the stage.

"And now, filling in for the vacationing El Sleezo dancing girls, the funny, fabulous, Bobby Drake!"

Just then, the curtains opened to reveal an eighteen-year-old boy with dirty blond hair to only one man clapping his hands together… To kill a fly.

"Thank you, ladies and germs!" The boy, Bobby called out. "You're a great crowd. Here I am, Bobby Drake, here to tell you jokes both old and great! "

Everyone already began booing the poor kid.

"Well, let's start things up with a bang." Bobby said as someone shot at him and missed. "Thanks for that, sir."

"This guy's lost." Scott groaned.

"Maybe he should try Harry Fisher." A waiter said.

"Good grief." Scott groaned. "What a weak running gag."

"Uh…" Bobby continued, finally feeling the stress apparently. "There was this sailor who was so fat-"

"How fat was he?!" A very large sailor asked as he smashed a bottle against the table, and it shattered.

"He was so fat that everyone liked him, and there was nothing funny about him at all, the end." Bobby said timidly.

After that, everyone began throwing food at Bobby.

"Oh no!" Bobby groaned. "I just cleaned up this room! I'm a professional! I've had three performances."

"Do you know any dance routines?" Scott asked as he walked to the stage.

"Not really." Bobby said. "Do you?"

"Play something snappy, sir." Scott said to the piano man.

"Got it!" The man said as he played the piano.

"Now dance!" Scott said quickly as the two danced.

()()()()()

At the window, John Kestrel saw the guy with sun glasses from earlier and showed him to his boss, Robert Kelly. Kelly looked at Scott's dancing and smirked.

Kestrel knew that Kelly was happy with who he had found.

()()()()()

"Too bad the dancing girls are on vacation." Scott sighed. "The crowd's getting ugly."

"You think this crowd is ugly?" Bobby asked. "You should see the dancing girls."

After the dance was finished, everyone on stage rushed at Scott and Bobby. They tossed Bobby over the bar, and tossed Scott up as he was flung into wall. He didn't want to use his blasts since it could kill these guys, but he was definitely getting groggy from the toss.

Just then, Bobby came up in a bartender's uniform and a beard.

"Okay everybody drinks on the house!" Bobby called out as all the men rushed out excitedly.

()()()()()

On the roof of the El Sleezo, the men looked around confused. There were no drinks on the house.

()()()()()

Back at the bar, Bobby sighed and took off the fake beard.

"Works every time." Bobby said with a smile.

"Nice job." Scott said in amazement. "Well listen, my name is Scott Summers, and I'm on my way to Hollywood."

Scott saw a lot of potential in Bobby and figured he just needed an outlet.

"Hollywood?!" Bobby asked excitedly. "Big time showbiz?! That's always been my dream!"

"Well they're looking for guys, so I figured, why not go together?" Scott asked.

"My car's right outside!" Bobby said with a smile.

They walked outside and got into an old crème Studebaker.

"Wow." Scott said. "A Studebaker. Where'd you get it?"

"My uncle left it to me." Bobby said casually.

"Oh." Scott said. "Is he dead?"

"No." Bobby said plainly. "He's in Florida."

"Somewhere, Jerry Seinfeld's ears are bleeding." Scott said with a sigh as Bobby drove off, followed by a mysterious black car that carried Robert Kelly.

* * *

><p>Uh-oh. Now we get to the point of interest.<p> 


	4. Robert Kelly

Chapter 3: Robert Kelly

"You know, Bobby, you really do have a lot of talent." Scott said with a smile.

"Thank you." Bobby said happily.

"How about you and me making up an act?" Scott asked.

"Nope, sorry." Bobby said. "I only work in the single."

"Oh." Scott said. "Alright."

After thinking for a moment, Bobby knew that not working with Scott may take him back to a place like El Sleezo.

"Alright, you talked me into it!" Bobby called out. "We'll be a team!"

"Oh good!" Scott said with a smile.

Just then, they arrived at a road block.

"You better slow down for that, Bobby." Scott advised.

"Yes sir." Bobby said plainly.

They stopped and suddenly noticed that there wasn't any kind of road work to warrant the road block.

"Hey, what's going on?" Scott asked when a man in a business suit walked up. He wore horn-rimmed glasses.

"Hello gentlemen." The man said. "I'm a business man with a proposition. Let me show you something that might change your whole life."

Scott and Bobby got out and arrived at an electronics store with a television in the front.

"Now this is the kind of chance you can't afford to pass up." The man said as he held up a remote control. "Watch the window."

With a click, a television turned on, and the same man appeared holding a bright green carton full of frog's legs.

"Hello, I'm Robert Kelly." The television Kelly said. "Inviting you to come on down and getting some delicious French Fried Frog Legs right here at the sign of with the bright green legs."

The camera then zoomed out to reveal two plastic frog's legs acting as an arch to the restaurant Kelly was standing in front of.

"Yeash." Scott said in disgust as several blond girls in 50s waitress uniforms came out.

"Sweet mama!" Bobby called out as his mouth began to drool.

"There's cheese legs." The television Kelly went on. "Finger legs. Chili legs, barbecue, or if you want a snack, try a frog leg burger, on a bright green bun."

Kelly took the burger he mentioned and at some of it.

"Yech." Scott said as Bobby vomited on the ground. "That was terrible! That was the most appalling, disgusting, revolting thing I've ever seen!"

"Yes, I'm a great businessman and a nice guy, but I do lack the skills of a performer, unlike you." Kelly said.

"Say huh?" Scott asked.

"He's right you know." Bobby said. "You are very likable, Scott."

"The kid's right." Kelly said. "You my little friend are gonna do all our television commercials."

"No way." Scott insisted.

"Now listen, there's five hundred dollars up front in it for you, plus you'd be making this much every year." Kelly said as he held up a huge wad of cash.

"Let's go, Bobby." Scott said as he walked back to the Studebaker.

"Five hundred dollars?" Bobby gaped. He never even knew someone could have five hundred dollars at once. "Would you consider someone like me?"

"BOBBY!" Scott shouted, snapping Bobby back to his senses. "Right, sorry. Lost my head."

Bobby and Scott walked back to the Studebaker and took off.

()()()()()

"Hey wait!" Kelly said before the two drove off. "KESTREL!"

Kestrel arrived.

"Follow those Mutants!" Kelly said as Kestrel got in the car and drove off. "KESTREL!"

The car teleported back to where Kelly was.

"Follow those Mutants with me in the car!" Kelly called out.

"Sorry boss, I just got so excited!" Kestrel said. "Hey, how about the kid with the sun glasses, isn't he great?"

"Yes, just go!" Kestrel shouted.

"But you promised me a reward." Kestrel pointed out.

* * *

><p>"Later Kestrel, now follow that car!" Kelly said as Kestrel drove off, with Kelly falling into his seat.<p>

And so the chase begins!


	5. Moving Right Along

Chapter 4: Moving Right Along

By next morning, Bobby and Scott were relaxing in the sunshine.

"It's a gorgeous day!" Bobby said with a smile.

"Definitely." Scott agreed.

"Terrific day for a drive." Bobby added.

"Beautiful country out here." Scott said as he observed the road.

"A pair of Mutants seeing America!" Bobby said grandly.

"_Moving right along in search of good times and good news._" Scott sang as he played his banjo. "_With good friends you can't lose._"

"_This could become a habit._" Bobby observed.

_Opportunity knocks once._

_Let's reach out and grab it. (Yeah!)_

_Together, we'll nab it!_

"_We'll hitchhike, bus, or yellow cab it!_" Bobby called out grandly.

"Cab it?" Scott asked, since they were both low on money.

"Just forget it." Bobby amended, realizing what he'd said.

_Moving right along!_

_Footloose and fancy free._

_Getting there is half the fun._

_Come share it with me._

_Moving right along!_

_We'll learn to share the load._

_We don't need a map to keep this show on the road._

"Hey Bobby, turn left when we come to a fork in the road." Scott said as he read a map.

"Right!" Bobby said. "Turn left at the fork in the road."

No sooner had he said it when they arrived at a fork in the road, with a fork right at the point where it split.

"Turning left!" Bobby called out as Scott stared at the fork.

"I don't believe that." Scott said in shock.

_Moving right along._

_We've found a life on the highway._

_And your way is my way!_

_So trust my navigation!_

_California, here we come._

_Come high in the sky land!_

_All palm trees and warm sand._

"_Though sadly, we just left Rhode Island._" Bobby said nervously.

"We did what?!" Scott asked in shock.

"Just forget it." Bobby said again.

_Moving right along!_

_Hey LA, where've ya gone?_

_Send someone to fetch us, we're in Saskatoon!_

_Moving right along!_

"_You take it." _Scott said with a smile. "You know best."

"_Hey, I've never seen the sun come up in the west._" Bobby noted as he realized they were driving in the direction the sun was rising.

They continued on when they noticed a passing blond boy on a motorcycle.

"Hey, Bobby, look ahead." Scott noticed.

"Who is that?" Bobby asked.

"Let's see if we can give him a lift." Scott added.

"I don't know." Bobby mused. "He looks kinda tough."

They stopped anyway, and Bobby turned to the blond boy.

"Hey there." Bobby said. "Want a lift?"

"Oh, no thanks." The blond man said. "I'm on my way to New York City to meet up with my cousin and his family."

"Oh." Bobby said. "Good luck."

They then drove on.

_Moving right along._

_We're truly birds of a feather._

_We're in this together._

_And we know where we're going._

_Movie stars with flashy cars and life with the top down._

"_We're storming the big town._" Scott said with a smile.

"Yeah, storm is right." Bobby said as they got caught in a snow storm. "Should it be snowing?"

"No, I don't think so." Scott said with a sigh.

_Moving right along!_

_Footloose and fancy free!_

_Ya ready for the big time?_

_Is it ready for me?_

_Moving right along…_

_Moving right along…_

_Moving right along. . ._

By that afternoon, they noticed a huge billboard for French Fried Frog Legs.

"Maybe you better pull over for a sec." Scott said, as he wanted to see the poor dupe who signed up with Kelly.

"Got it." Bobby replied, and he pulled to the side of the road.

"Hey Scott, that's you!" Bobby called out, pointing to the picture of a bucket full of fried frog legs, and in the center, near the top, was Scott's face.

Just then, Kelly came out.

"Get the picture, boy?" Kelly said with a smile. "Mr. Scott Summers, symbol of Robert Kelly's French Fried Frog Legs. Isn't that splendid? Just take a look at it."

"All I can see are a lot of frogs with tiny crutches." Scott said in disgust.

"Now kid, don't you wanna be rich and famous?" Kelly asked.

"Not working for you, I don't!" Scott snapped.

"Yeah!" Bobby joined in.

"Crutches?" Kestrel asked.

"Shut up, Kestrel." Kelly said quietly before turning to Scott. "I know we're a small time operation, but we're expanding… Like a frog."

"Actually, that's a myth." Scott pointed out.

"A what?" Kelly asked.

"A myth!" Scott shouted. "MYTH!"

"Yes?" The lady from El Sleezo asked as she appeared from behind the billboard.

"Whoa." Bobby said in surprise.

"Come on, Bobby, burn rubber." Scott said.

"You've got it." Bobby said as he charged forward.

The car moved away, and Kelly was outraged.

"THAT'S THE SECOND TIME IN TWO DAYS!" Kelly snapped. "Well, I've done my best with that boy, now it's time for my worst. Open the door."

"No, you open the door!" Kestrel shouted.

"What?" Kelly asked in shock.

"I'm sorry, but the kid is right." Kestrel said. "You're asking him to do something terrible. I can't be a part of this. It's a moral decision, and I'll stand by it!"

"I'll double your percentage." Kelly said plainly.

"I'll open the door." Kestrel said a second later.

* * *

><p>Oh, now that was fun.<p> 


	6. Can You Picture That?

Chapter 5: Can You Picture That?

As the two continued driving, Bobby asked Scott a question he'd had since they left El Sleezo.

"Scott, where are we?" Bobby asked.

"Well let's see." Scott said as he pulled out the map. We're traveling down this black line here, and we just crossed that little red line…"

As Scott talked, Bobby took a look at the map as well.

"How about we take the blue line?" Bobby asked as he saw a line that lead straight to California.

"We can't take that." Clark says. "According to the map key, that's a river."

"Oh." Bobby said. "My bad."

"Wait, Bobby, I've got a question." Scott said.

"Yeah?" Bobby asked.

"Who's driving?" Scott asked.

The two realized that neither of them were paying attention to the road and stopped just before hitting a church.

"Bobby, where did you learn to drive?" Scott asked, clutching his heart.

"I took a correspondence course." Bobby said plainly.

Scott groaned as Bobby drove into the parking lot.

"This looks like a nice quiet spot." Scott observed. "Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days."

"Yeah." Bobby said. "The funny thing is I'm still wide awake."

"Me too." Scott said just before Bobby passed out on the front seat.

"Me too." Scott said as he went to sleep too.

They had been sleeping for a few minutes when jazz music suddenly came from the church, jolting them awake.

"What is that?" Clark asked.

The two looked in through the door and found a huge band playing.

"They sure don't look like normal church goers to me." Bobby said, and he was probably right. It was filled with various people. There was a man in a brown trench coat with red eyes blowing a saxophone, a blonde woman in a revealing white outfit on piano, and a blonde man with wings playing the guitar. They walked in.

"Cool it everybody." The red eyed man said. He had a strong Cajun accent. "It appears our morning melodies have attracted some wandering admirers."

"Hey, who are you guys?!" Scott asked.

"We are Remy LeBeau and the Electric Mutants." The man said. "I'm Remy. Golden sax to go with my golden tone."

"I'm Warren." Warren said. "I'm low bass."

"And I'm… I'm… Uh…" A brown haired man with the guitar began.

"Lance!" Warren said.

"Right!" Lance said.

"Emma Frost." The woman said. "Charmed to meet you."

"Hello." Bobby said with a squeak in his voice.

"Bobby." Scott sighed.

"Sorry." Bobby replied.

The man at drums, dressed all in red, screamed and slammed himself into the drums.

"That is John." Warren said. "Show 'em what you do, John."

"I want to eat the drums!" John shrieked as he began eating a symbol.

"No, no, no!" Remy said quickly. "Beat the drums! Don't eat them!"

"Beat the drums!" John shrieked and he pummeled them with his fists.

"He's not all there." Lance said.

"Down John!" Warren called out. "Just sit back and cool down!"

John did so.

"Hey, don't forget about me!" Another voice called out, and they looked up to see a man with blonde hair and a light Irish accent. "I'm Sean Cassidy. The band's road manager."

"Oh yeah." Warren said. "The road manager. We couldn't go anywhere without him."

"So he's the man with the contacts?" Bobby asked.

"No, he's the man with the van." Remy corrected.

"Yeah, we're planning on turning this old church into a coffee house." Sean explained.

"With music by us of course and refreshments… As soon as we find a cook." Emma stated.

"It's gonna be nice and mellow and of course profitable." Remy said plainly.

"So what brings you guys here?" Warren asks.

"Well you see," Bobby began. "Scott was at a house of his and Jack Kirby came along and-"

"Bobby!" Scott groaned. "You can't just repeat the whole story. It'll bore the audience."

"Oh, sorry." Bobby said to the people reading this before turning to Scott. "But Scott, the band wants to know.

"Well then show them the script.

"Oh right." Bobby said as he handed the script to them. "It starts here at chapter 1. You can skip the Prologue."

"The Mutant Movie, huh?" Remy asked, glancing at the title. "'Scott Summers was relaxing in his country home as he played a banjo and relaxed.'"

()()()()()

By the time Remy had gotten to the point of the script Bobby gave it to them, the two had fallen asleep.

"'The two looked in through the door and found a huge band playing.

'They sure don't look like normal church goers to me." Bobby said, and he was probably right. It was filled with various people. There was a man in a brown trench coat with red eyes blowing a saxophone, a blonde woman in a revealing white outfit on piano, and a blonde man with wings playing the guitar. They walked in.'

"And that would be where we came in." Remy finished as he set the script down. "Not a bad narrative. Though it looks like Mr. Summers and Mr. Drake or more visual since it looks like they checked out."

"Well now that we know, we've gotta keep those two away from this Kelly guy." Warren said plainly.

"Too true." Remy said plainly.

"Now what can we do to help them?" Emma asked.

"Well, if there was a movie or a fan-fic -" Lance began.

"Which it is." Remy pointed out.

"We'd figure out some clever plot device." Lance finished.

"Like disguising their car so that it can't be recognized." Sean called out.

"Right!" Remy called out. "MUSICAL NUMBER!"

The five of them then went to the Studebaker and poured all kinds of paint on it as they also sang.

_Everybody's mother!_

_Everybody's brother!_

_I wanna be your lifetime friend!_

_Playing to the rockets!_

_Nothin' in my pockets!_

_I keep it in the rainbows there!_

_Whenever I have money,_

_I think of milk and honey!_

_Grinning like a Cheshire cat!_

_I focus on the pleasure!_

_Something I can treasure!_

_Can you picture that?_

_Can you picture that?!_

"Hey Warren, take a verse." Remy said as they continued.

_Let me take your picture!_

_Add it to the mixture!_

_Spirit has a caption now!_

_Really nothing to it!_

_Anyone can do it!_

_It's easy and we all know how!_

_Now begins the changing._

_Meant for rearranging._

_Nothing's where it's at._

"_Now the Eifel tower's holding up a flower._" Remy finished with a smirk. "_Can you picture that?_"

_Can you picture that?_

_Because there's nothing out there you can't do._

_Yeah even Santa Claus believes in you._

_Deep down you believe me. Don't ya?_

_Be a better drummer._

_Be an up and comer._

_Can you picture that?_

_Can you picture that?!_

They continued their work and play.

_All of us are winning!_

_Picking and a grinning!_

_Lordy but I love to jam!_

_Jelly belly giggling!_

_Dancing and a wiggling!_

_Honey that's the way I am!_

_I work hard in Texas!_

_I go home to relax yes!_

_I keep it underneath my hat!_

_Aurora borealis!_

_Shining down in Dallas!_

_Can you picture that?_

_Can you picture that?!_

_Can you picture!_

"_You gotta see it in your mind!_" Remy called out.

_Can you picture!_

"_You know it's quick and easy to find._" Warren pointed out.

_Can you picture!_

"_You don't have to buy a frame._" Emma stated plainly.

_Can you picture!_

_Can you picture that?!_

_CAN YOU PICTURE THAT?!_

_Loafer if you need it._

_Don't forget to feed it._

_Can you picture that!_

By the time they were done, Scott and Bobby were up and looked at what they made. The Studebaker had been colored rainbow and looked like a hippie bus.

"Kelly will never recognize you now." Remy said plainly.

"Wow, I don't know how to thank you guys." Bobby said happily.

"I don't know _why _to thank you guys." Scott groaned, looking at the eye sore.

"Our pleasure, guys." Warren said warmly.

"Are you sure you won't come with us to Hollywood?" Bobby asked.

"Can't pal." Remy said. "But when you get rich and famous, maybe we'll come down to visit and exploit your wealth."

Everyone laughed as Scott turned to Bobby.

"Move it right along, Bobby." Scott said with a smile.

"Yes sir!" Bobby said.

* * *

><p>What the flying fudge did I just write?!<p> 


	7. Kurt Wagner

Chapter 6: Kurt Wagner

Kelly and Kestrel were driving down the road as Kelly was on the phone with someone.

"I'm telling you, this kid does everything." Kelly said. "He sings, tells jokes, and he even rides a bicycle."

Kelly then turned to Kestrel.

"Kestrel, find me two Mutants in a tan colored Studebaker."

Just then, two Mutants in a rainbow colored Studebaker drove past.

"Gee, Rob, all I can see is two Mutants in a rainbow colored Studebaker." Kestrel said before realizing what he'd said.

()()()()()

As Bobby and Scott continued down the road, they saw Kelly's limo drive after them.

"Bobby, they're right behind us!" Scott called out.

"I know!" Bobby said agitatedly. "I know!"

"Well how'd they recognize us?!" Scott called out.

"Maybe they recognized you." Bobby said plainly.

"What do you mean?" Scott asked.

"Well how many people do you know who wear sunglasses twenty-four hours a day?" Bobby explained.

"Can't you drive any faster Bobby?!" Scott called out. "They're gaining on us!"

"Nope." Bobby said. "This thing's going as fast as it can."

They then saw an ad for Faygo with a rainbow colored motive.

"Pull in front of that sign." Scott said quickly.

They did so, and Scott was right. The Electric Mutants' paint job matched the billboard perfectly. The two ducked down and Kelly's car drove right past.

"Well that worked out pretty well." Bobby said as Scott groaned.

()()()()()

Meanwhile, on the same road, a blue man with a tail named Kurt Wagner was riding a van with his girlfriend and partner in his plunger business, Wanda Maximoff.

"So I told my brother that just because we were sharing an apartment didn't mean I had to deal with his stupidity, so I packed up and left." Wanda said, finishing a story about her brother, Pietro.

"Wow, good for you!" Kurt said. "Now… We just need a plumbing job."

"Well no offense hon, but people are paying you to do something they can do themselves." Wanda pointed out. "It's a pretty small market."

"Vell zat's fair." Kurt said as the van accidentally drifted to the wrong side of the road.

()()()()()

Scott and Bobby were driving down when they saw the van there.

"Bobby, look at that funny little van." Scott said.

"Yeah, cute isn't it?" Bobby said.

"No, I meant it's heading straight for us!" Scott called out.

"Oh." Bobby said. "AH!"

"We're gonna hit!" Scott called out when he saw that the van was now gone. "We missed it."

"Oh, you call that a miss?" Kurt said as he teleported down from the roof with Wanda.

"How'd you do that?" Scott asked.

"I teleported the van on top of the car." Kurt said.

"Oh." Scott said.

It was at this point that Kurt began hopping up and down in the back seat.

"You guys okay?" Scott asked.

"Yeah." Wanda said calmly.

"Why are you hopping up and down?" Bobby asked Kurt.

"Because I'm hopping mad!" Kurt called out.

"Guy has a sense of humor." Scott observed.

"Hey, why don't you join us?" Bobby asked.

"Vhere are you going?" Kurt asked.

"We're following our dream." Bobby said.

"Really?" Kurt asked. "Vell I have a dream too… But you'll think it's stupid."

"No we won't." Bobby said. "Tell us."

"Vell, my dream is to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star." Kurt said plainly.

"You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star." Bobby pointed out. "You go where we're going. Hollywood."

"Vell sure, if you vant to do it ze easy vay."

"We picked up a weirdo…" Bobby groaned.

"You get used to it." Wanda sighed.

Eventually, they arrived at a small town and a car lot.

"Hey, Mad Man Mooney's." Wanda said. "It's a used car lot my brother works at."

"Yeah, maybe we can trade in both these old cars and get one big one." Scott said.

"What?!" Bobby called out. "Trade in my uncle's Studebaker?!"

"Zat's vhat he said." Kurt confirmed.

"Oh, when he comes back from Florida, he'll kill me." Bobby groaned.

Everyone got out of the car and looked around.

"Oh, my dear friends!" The salesman said. "Welcome to Mad Man Mooney's used car lot. Today's your lucky day!"

"It is?" Scott asked.

"It is." The man said. "You see guys; you're driving the wrong car."

"I am?" Bobby asked.

"I vasn't!" Kurt called out angrily.

"I can put you in this German street machine for only 2,000 dollars minus a twelve dollar trade in on the old car." The salesman said as he patted the car he was trying to sell them, and the fender fell off. "Detachable fenders for narrow garages."

"No thanks." Scott sighed.

"Pietro, get out here!" The salesman said as a boy with platinum blonde hair, about the same age as Wanda arrived.

"Hey Sis." Quicksilver said. "Still hanging out with that blue fur ball you call a boyfriend? Who are the new guys, you starting a male harem or something? Hey you guys. Pietro Maximoff's the name. Towing the cars in the lot this old goombah sells is the game." He said all this so fast they barely understood what he was saying.

"Screw you, Pietro." Wanda said calmly.

"Just move the car, Pietro." The salesman said agitatedly. Pietro did so and just moved around at speeds that made him look like a white blur.

"Now seriously friends," the salesman went on. "Mad Man Mooney doesn't believe in all that dealing and wheeling."

As the salesman was talking, Pietro got bothered by a fly near a car that was priced at 1,195 dollars.

"No, the price on the sticker is the price you pay and never more and never less."

Just then, Pietro swatted the fly as it landed on the sticker, which ended up making it read "11.95".

"We'll take that one for eleven dollars and ninety-five cents." Wanda said quickly.

The salesman turned around and saw it.

"Zat's our five dollar trade in." Kurt pointed out. "You owe us a nickel."

The deal went down as Pietro arrived with the keys.

"Hey thanks." Scott said. "By the way, we're all going to Hollywood. You wanna come with us?"

"Hollywood?!" Pietro said as he rushed off.

"That's weird." Scott said. "He ran off. Well, move it right along, Bobby."

"Right." Bobby said as they drove off.

()()()()()

As the car went off, Pietro raced after them with a suitcase.

"Hey you guys, wait!" Pietro called off. "I wanna go with you!"

He sighed and began chasing after them. He really needed to just say 'yes' or 'no' instead of rushing off.

* * *

><p>That was fun!<p> 


	8. Never Before and Never Again

Chapter 7: Never Before and Never Again

They made a quick pit stop at a carnival to stretch their legs and get a bite to eat. As they looked around, they passed a booth for a pageant for Bogen County.

"It's time to announce the winner of this year's Bogen County Beauty Pageant." The announcer said.

"You think we should take a look, guys?" Bobby asked.

"Eh." Scott said. "What harm could it do?"

"Vow!" Kurt called out as the runners up came through. "Vhat vomen!"

"Hey!" Wanda called out.

"Oh!" Kurt said quickly. "No offense, Vanda."

"Now before announcing the winner, I think we should thank the celebrity judges." The announcer continued. "Giant Man and Wasp."

Everyone applauded.

"You're not gonna believe who the winner is, folks." Giant Man groaned.

"Oh come on now, Hank." Wasp replied. "It's an X-Men fic."

"And here she is, folks!" The announcer called out. "The new Miss Bogen County! Jean Grey!"

Jean Grey came out enamored and waved at everyone. She had beautiful red hair and emerald green eyes.

"Oh thank you everyone!" Jean called out. "Thank you so much!"

Scott was looking at her when their eyes met, and they couldn't stop staring at each other.

_Never Before… Have two souls met so freely_

_And so fast…_

_For me this is the first time,_

_And the last…_

_Is this an angel's wish for men?_

_Never before… and never again…_

_And where to find the words to sing its worth._

_This love was bound for heaven, not for Earth._

_This love was meant to light the stars._

_But when we touched, we made it ours._

_And could they take it back?_

_No they wouldn't dare._

_Why should they take it back,_

_When we're in love?_

_To share with all the world,_

_And fill the heavens above…_

_With left over love!_

_Never before…!_

_A love that keeps on going on and on!_

_To fill each other's hearts and meet the dawn!_

_Is this an angel's wish for men?!_

_Never before… And never again ...!_

_Never before… And never again . . .!_

Jean quickly walked up to Scott.

"Hi." Jean said nervously.

"Hi." Scott said nervously as well. "Uh, congratulations on winning the beauty contest."

"Oh thank you." Jean said. "Though, this isn't my usual forte. I'm really an actress/model/substitute psychology teacher."

"Wow." Kurt said.

"You know, we're gonna be performers too." Scott said.

"They are so smitten." Wanda observed.

"Oh yeah." Bobby agreed. "Hey Scott, are we still getting some ice cream?"

"Oh yeah." Scott answered. "In a minute."

The others walked off.

"So what are you doing in town?" Jean asked.

"Oh, we're heading west." Scott explained.

"Ooh…" Jean said enamored. "Really?"

"Yeah." Scott answered. "I really should meet up with my friends though for the ice cream… Hey, wanna join us?"

"Me?!" Jean called out excitedly. "Yes! Yes! Just-just give me a minute!"

Jean then rushed off.

"And who says women being excitable is a myth." Scott sighed.

"A what?" Jean asked just before leaving.

"A my-" Scott said before stopping himself.

"Trust me." Scott said. "It was a weak gag."

"Alright." Jean said as she walked off.

* * *

><p>Aw… The Nostalgia Critic is right. Two of the same joke being enough isn't a myth.<p>

Jean: A what?

Me: A myth. MYTH!

Red boa lady: Yes?

Me: Oh, not again.


	9. Balloon Travel

Chapter 8: Balloon Travel

Bobby arrived at the ice cream cart.

"Hello." Bobby said. "I'd like some ice cream."

"Oh, what do you want?" The vender asked. "Chocolate? Vanilla? Rum banana?"

"Raspberry." Bobby said.

"Whoa, buddy." The vendor said with a laugh. "I may not know you that well, but I wouldn't wanna be rude to you."

Bobby chuckled with the vendor.

"Anyway, raspberry for me, and a cherry ripple for my friend." Bobby said.

"You got it." The vendor said as he handed Bobby the ice cream.

"Thanks." Bobby said.

"Anytime." The vendor replied.

()()()()()

While Bobby and Scott were busy, Kurt and Wanda were walking around when Wanda saw a few balloons as she looked at her wallet, and there wasn't a lot of money as she turned to Kurt. She was a sucker for balloons, though she'd never really figured out why.

"Alright, Vanda." Kurt said. "Alright. I'll get you a balloon, but you have to pick ze color. Red or green?"

"Can I give ya a word of advice?" The balloon salesman asked?

"Vhat?" Kurt asked.

"Why not take both?" The salesman said with a smile.

"Vhat a vild idea!" Kurt called out excitedly.

"Yeah, a beautiful babe like that deserves two balloons." The salesman went on.

"Oh, stop." Wanda chuckled in a way that meant the exact opposite of what she just said.

"No, he's right!" Kurt insisted, not understanding Wanda's tone.

"I've got a bunch of guys coming through here; sometimes they get a bunch of balloons for their girls." The salesman said. "They go gaga for them."

"Gaga?!" Kurt repeated. "I'll take the whole bunch!"

"Uh… Kurt…" Wanda began as she felt that all the balloons were a little much.

However, Kurt already gave him the money, and the vender gave Kurt the balloons.

()()()()()

Scott was looking around the festival, having lost track of the others in the crowd.

"Kurt?" Scott asked. "I wonder where he went. Uh… Bobby?"

"Scott!" Bobby called out as he came up with two ice creams. "Oh hey, Scott."

Bobby then looked around.

"Where's your ginger friend?" Bobby asked.

"Well I'm not really sure." Scott said. "She said she was coming with us for ice cream, but-"

"Yoo-hoo!" Jean called as she rushed to the two in casual clothes and holding a suitcase. "Here I am! Here I am! I'm packed! I'm packed!"

"I can see that." Scott said. "What for?"

"You said I could come with you." Jean said, confused.

"Yeah, to buy ice cream, not to Hollywood." Scott said.

"Hollywood?!" Jean called out. "I just thought you were headed to Disneyland! Please, let me come!"

"Well…" Scott said. He did fell like one more person wouldn't make a difference. They still had a fair amount of time, and plenty of seats. "Sure."

Just then, Wanda rushed up in a panic.

"Guys!" Wanda called out. "It's terrible! Awful, all my fault, and we just wasted ten dollars!"

"What?" Scott asked.

"It's Kurt!" Wanda said. "I talked him into buying me a balloon, and the guy that looked like Richard Pryor talked him into buying the whole bunch!"

"And?" Scott asked.

"The balloons floated him away." Jean answered.

"You telepathic?" Wanda asked.

"Yes." Jean said. "But he's also floating over us."

Scott looked up and sure enough, Kurt was floating in the air, holding onto several balloons.

"Kurt, what are you doing?!" Scott asked in alarm.

"About seven naughts!" Kurt answered.

"We'll follow you!" Scott called to the rapidly disappearing Kurt. "To the car, Bobby!"

"Yes sir!" The three then rushed to the car.

"Kurt, we're coming!" Scott called out to Kurt.

()()()()()

The group quickly chased after Kurt, with Wanda and Jean working together as navigators.

"Step on it, Bobby!" Scott called out.

"Yes sir!" Bobby replied.

"Oh, Scott." Jean said with a smile. "You're a born leader."

"Now where is he?" Scott said after blushing a little at Jean's remark.

"Up ahead near a wheat field." Wanda said quickly.

()()()()()

Kurt was floating along quite contentedly, looking over the world and God's creations.

"Oh, isn't zis great?" Kurt said to himself. He wasn't that worried since he could just teleport to the ground once the balloon ran out of air. "Here I am, floating in space… Or ze air, rather. Either vay, zis is ze place to be! Whoopee!"

()()()()()

Down below, Scott got a look at Kurt as he began floating off due to the wind.

"Bobby, bare left!" Scott called out.

"What?" Bobby asked.

"Bare left!" Scott repeated.

Bobby turned to look at Wanda. She wasn't bare.

"No, turn left!" Scott groaned.

"Oh, right." Bobby said. "I knew that."

()()()()()

Kurt was still in the sky as he saw the car driving by, looking like a toy.

"Wow, look at our little car down there!" Kurt called out. "It's like flying! Oh wait, it is flying."

Just then, Kurt noticed another car following theirs.

"Hey, who are those guys?" Kurt wondered to himself.

()()()()()

Back on the ground, Kestrel and Kelly were following the car as Kestrel looked up with binoculars.

"Hey Rob, isn't that the kid up there?" Kestrel was having trouble getting a clear look at the figure, and he didn't see the boy's blue tail until after he had already asked the question.

"No, that's the kid up there!" Kelly called out, exasperated.

()()()()()

Scott and the others were so focused on Kurt that he and Bobby failed to recognize Kelly's car.

"He's caught in the cross-winds, Bobby!" Scott called out. "We're gonna lose him!"

"Oh no!" Bobby called out in alarm.

"I'm gonna try and steady him out." Jean said as the balloons seem to drift back to the road, against the wind.

()()()()()

Meanwhile, Kestrel noticed Kelly pulling out a riffle.

"Ah!" Kestrel called out in alarm. "What are ya doing, Rob?!"

"I'm going after the tires." Kelly responded plainly.

()()()()()

Jean's plan had worked, and Kurt stayed on course until the wind began working with them.

"Thanks Jean." Scott said. "We're okay now."

"Phew." Jean said.

"Wait a minute!" Scott said. "I think he's beginning to come down. Stay with him, Bobby!"

"Right!" Bobby called out.

"He's right above us!" Wanda said as she forced the top of the car off, making it fly off into the fields.

"He's okay." Scott sighed.

"Yeah, hi Kurt!" Bobby said as he opened the door.

"BOBBY, GET BACK IN HERE!" Scott shouted.

"Huh?" Bobby asked.

"I said get back-" Scott began, but too late. The car slammed into a billboard for a pie factory, launching a pie filled with whipped cream into the air as it landed on a car just behind them.

()()()()()

Kestrel was so caught off-guard by the pie flying at them that he broke right there as it landed right on the car, covering it in whipped cream as Kelly's shot went wild, obliterating all but two of the balloons Kurt was holding onto as he began literally falling.

()()()()()

"Oh… Crud!" Kurt called out as he fell, getting caught telekinetically by Jean and Wanda and gently set into the car.

"Gun it, Bobby." Scott said, having noticed Kelly's car when he looked at the pie crashing into it.

"Yes sir!" Bobby called out, and they drove off.

"Vell, zat vas fun." Kurt said happily.

"Is he coming with us too?" Jean asked.

Everyone nodded, sighing with relief about the rather nerve raking day being over.

()()()()()

Back at the stopped car, Kelly was yelling at the top of his lungs.

"COME BACK, YOU!" Kelly called out. "NO MUTANT'S GONNA MAKE A MONKEY OUT OF ME!"

Kestrel sighed and had some of the whipped cream, which wasn't half bad.

()()()()()

Back at the carnival, several girls in bathing suits rushed out of the changing tent as Pietro zoomed out as well.

"I've just gotta catch up with those guys!" Pietro remarked as he rushed down the road, only knowing the vaguest of road directions, he had already gone the wrong way several times by now.

* * *

><p>And so that's the end of that chapter. Sorry it took so long. I kinda got busy with other things.<p> 


End file.
